Intoxicating Finals

So its that time of the year, DER FEINULZ! Since being in a position of being somewhat of an educator I have seen some mighty damn stupid shit from my students. One underage twerp passed out drunk in my bio lab, not waking up until after class was over. Another was trying to light up a joint during a nature walk but it was too windy.  He tried to tell me he rolled his own cigarettes… Um, yeah if you are going to try and pull one over on me, at least mix you weed in with loose leaf tobacco. Don’t they teach you kids anything these days??

Dear Students: WE ARE NOT IDIOTS.

In fact, I was just as moronic when I was a student (high school, not college… ok the first attempt at college, but the not the one where I actually got a degree). So I can speak from experience on both sides. Even most goodie-two-shoes TAs know when your coming to lab or class FUBAR. And yes, I thought it was cool to come to my Junior year Spring finals with mucho Tequila in my system. I remember what it was like to be a stupid piece of shit and thinking I was being cool, being ‘mavericky’. I got the scars and tattoos to prove it. My senior year Fall finals I took speed and ended up filling every single bubble on the scantron. GPA is counted like golf scores right?

So this brings me to my point. In college, no one cares if you are cool, if you are high or if you are a lame sober jesus toter. You won’t get your instructor’s attention because you are doing something spiffy and neato, bucking the trend, showing off that false sense of hipness. You get our attention because you are a fucking moron and a distraction to your peers. I don’t want to report you ass, it is a tremendous pain in the ass and well, these days I’m afraid of getting shot by some middle class nutjobber teen who doesn’t know what a hard life is even if it smacked them square in the jaw.

So sure, come into your final exams stoned off your high horse. Just sit in the back, shut up and leave ASAP. Its not like you will go anywhere in life until you grow the fuck up, just don’t make me fill out a bunch of university paperwork, I fucking hate that shit.

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