This is Why I Drink, Museum Educator Edition

So, I’m not usually a bench scientist.While I have a freelance gig as a forensic anthropologist when one of the local coroners need extra hands, and I run away to do field work whenever I get a chance, my usual job is as a museum educator. If you’ve ever worked on the floor of a museum, then you understand just how this would drive one to do drunk science. If not, then I’m going to give you a little window into my world. These rules are all based on things that have happened in the museum at least once.

Dear museum visitors,

I love working with you. I really do. I love being an educator, and I love talking about science and history with you. But in order to keep my sanity intact, I’m going to have to ask that you refrain from taking the following actions:

*Making up ‘facts’ to tell your significant other/students/children while I can hear you and have to restrain myself from correcting you and/or smacking you upside the head.
*Telling your children that despite the fact that we look normal, the museum staff will be going to hell.
*Coming up with any theories that involve rhinoceros, elephants, lemurs and/or plesiosaurs being the direct ancestors of dinosaurs.
*Praying over exhibits.
*Singing hymns at exhibits.
*Mentioning brontosauruses and cavemen.
*Letting your children sit in sandplay and scream at the top of their lungs for almost two hours.
*Telling me that I’m wrong after you’ve just asked my opinion on something in my field.
*Implying that the world is less than 10,000 years old.
*Vomiting on exhibits.
*vomiting on staff.
*Making out in the cave.
*Distributing creationist/religious tracts on the museum floor.
*Witnessing to me.
*Grabbing the head of any animal that I am holding and telling you not to touch the head of.
*Asking me if I can make the snake I am holding bite me.
*Trying to make the snake bite me.
*Tying to make the snake bite your little sister.
*Telling me about the time you got really drunk and killed a snake with a hammer.
*Getting really drunk and trying to ride the life size Allosaurus.
*Sticking Chick Tracts into my dinosaur books.
*Sticking Chick Tracts or copies of The Watchtower into our dinosaurs’ mouths.
*Sticking your toddler into our dinosaurs’ mouths.
*Losing 18 month olds.
*Writing on anything that is not a craft material.
*Yelling at the youth volunteers.
*Sliding down railings.
*Going “Whoooo!” and “Boo!” in the cave, after I specifically told you that it agitates the bats.
*Jumping out from behind a corner in the cave and scaring your child after I spent 15 mins. telling him that the cave isn’t scary.
*Riding the dire wolves.
*Riding the mammoth and/or mastodon.
*Riding the ankylosaurus.
*Climbing up the sheer rock face on the ice age trail.
*Setting off the alarms on doors clearly marked ‘Emergency Exit Only. Alarm Will Sound’.
*Carrying a small animal into an exhibit in your purse (this rule applies to volunteers as well).
*Helping your child do any of the above.
*Being morons.

With these simple rules, I think we will find that both of our experiences at the museum will be more fruitful and peaceful.

Thank you,

Scotch Girl

About Seelix

I'm a museum girl, educator, science geek and costumer. Sometimes all at once.
This entry was posted in Stop Being Idiots For Just 5 Minutes. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to This is Why I Drink, Museum Educator Edition

  1. Yes! I’m a full time scientist, part time educator, and I think that’s why I need to Joose it up from time to time.

  2. John McKay says:

    I think “This is Why I Drink” should be a regular feature, sort of like the NPR “This I Believe” but without the treacle or archaic grammar. All contributors, regular or guest, should be required to write one. Except Bourbonbastard. We already know he drinks just because he can.

  3. Not make up facts?
    NOT make up facts?
    Not MAKEUP facts?
    How will we distinguish ourselves from amoebas?

  4. Phoroceran_Sidecar says:

    this is my new favourite site. thank you for making it! it is surprising how fun it is to get high and read scientific literature.

  5. genegeek says:

    I also work part-time in a museum. I feel your pain.

  6. ringtailroxy says:

    wow…I want to visit your museum! (and secretly ride the dire wolves; not because it annoys you, but because they are DIRE WOLVES!)

  7. Pingback: 2010 in review |

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